How To Write Home

Thursday, March 10, 2005
 

Make It Easy For Your Student To Write Home

 Date: ___________

 Dear Parent(s),

 I am too busy to write, but this checklist covers most of the topics of interest to both of us.

 Please send:

 __ Money (Cash)! Amount: $_______

 __ Food (Cookies)! Dozens: ________

 __ Clean clothes!

 Relationships:

 __ What?

 __ I am in love with myself

 __ I am in love!

 __ I am engaged

 __ I got married last weekend

 My Roommate:

 __ Worships the ground I walk on

 __ Gave me a black eye

 __ Committed suicide and left a note saying I was the reason

 __ Is afraid of the dark and wants to sleep with me in my bed ???

 __ Has fleas

 My Professors are:

 __ Sadistic water walkers

 __ Mental institution escapees

 __ Brain dead nerds

 __ Super oxygen thieves

 Latest News:

 __ I wrecked the car

 __ I can’t use your credit card because I have exceeded the credit limit

 __ You are going to have a grandchild

 __ False alarm – you are NOT going to have a grandchild

 Food:

 __ Is great!

 __ Even makes me appreciate your cooking

 __ I have had pizzas for the last eleven meals

 Grades:

 __ I am making all A’s

 __ I am not being properly challenged

 __ I will be home after this semester

 I study:

 __ Night and day

 __ All the time

 __ 80 hours a week

 __ Only on Sunday afternoon

 __ None of the above

 Daily Devotions:

 __ I read my Bible everyday

 __ I can’t read

 __ Someone stole my Bible while I was at one of the local bars

 On my last visit home, I left:

 __ My glasses

 __ My paper that was due yesterday

 __ The clothes you washed for me

 __ My (girlfriend’s) birth control pills

 __ The check to cover my delinquent tuition payment

 __ Other _____________________________________________

 Please send above items by Federal Express (Priority One) or UPS

 (Blue)

 Laundry:

 __ My white underwear is now _________________

 __ I am saving money by not using detergent

 __ Don’t worry, I washed my clothes last semester

 __ I hang my clothes out the window when it rains

 My room:

 __ Can pass your “white glove” test

 __ Is only _____% full

 __ Could not be located last Saturday night

 __ Was rented by the ROTC for hazardous terrain training

 Parties:

 __ I don’t inhale

 __ I only go to meet people

 __ Haven’t been to one since this morning

 Hope you:

 __ Miss me

 __ Can live without me

 __ Are not overdoing the celebration of my absence

 Salutation:

 __ Your Daughter,

 __ Your Son,

 __ Yours,

I know that was long, but I got a kick out of it….

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