Funny Stuff

Wednesday, March 15, 2006 

Funny Stuff

Ok, so here are a couple of things that I have found in my various internet searchings, that I though were really funny, thus worth re-posting.

The first is from a friend’s mother who posts on Xanga.

This is a true account recorded in the Police Log of Sarasota, Florida.

An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car,
found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle.  She dropped her
shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of her
voice, “I have a gun, and I know how to use it! Get out of the car!”

The four men didn’t wait for a second invitation. They got out and ran
like mad. The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded to load her shopping
bags into the back of the car and got into the driver’s seat.  She was so
shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition. She tried and
tried, and then it dawned on her why. For the same reason she did not
understand why there was a football, a Frisbee and two 12 packs in the
front seat.

A few minutes later, she found her own car parked four or five spaces
farther down. She loaded her bags into the car and drove to the police
station to report her mistake. The sergeant to whom she told the story
couldn’t stop laughing. He pointed to the other end of the counter, where
four pale men were reporting a car jacking by a
mad, elderly woman described as white, less than five feet tall, glasses,
curly white hair, and carrying a large handgun. No charges were filed.

Moral of the story?     If you’re going to have a Senior Moment, make it memorable.

This is from a bulletin put up by a friend I used to intern with in Modesto.

Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.

If everyone on “24” followed Jack Bauer’s instructions, it would be called “12”.

Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.

Jack Bauers calender goes from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Jack Bauer.

Chuck Norris and Jack Bauer once got into a fight, the event is commonly known as the Big Bang. If you want to know who won, just ask yourself when was the last time you saw a new episode of Walker Texas Ranger?

If you wake up in the morning, it’s because Jack Bauer spared your life.

When Google can’t find something, it asks Jack Bauer for help.

GI Joe plays with a Jack Bauer action figure.

Jack Bauer has the ability to smell sounds.

When E.T. phoned home, Jack Bauer answered.

If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken, but Jack Bauer says its beef. Then it’s fricken beef.

1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.

During the commercials, Jack Bauer calls the CSI detectives and solves their crimes.

Simon Says should be renamed to Jack Bauer Says because if Jack Bauer says something then you better frickin do it.

When Jack Bauer was a child, he made his mother finish his vegetables.

Jack Bauer doesn’t play the game SORRY. Jack Bauer apologizes to no one.

If you’re holding a gun to Jack Bauer’s head, don’t count to three before you shoot. Count to 10. That way, you get to live 7 seconds longer.

Jack Bauer doesn’t speak any foreign languages, but he can make any foreigner speak English in a matter of minutes.

There were originally five horsemen of the apocalypse. Jack Bauer said he would travel by foot.

When life hands Jack Bauer Lemons, he kills Terrorists. Jack Bauer frickin’ hates lemonade.


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