Finally, a topic I am an expert on!!! I thought it would be fun to think of some ways to annoy my spouse. For clarification purposes, I love my wife, and I think she loves me. This is in no reflects our relationship, except that some of these things have happened, and I found it funny enough to blog about.
Leave just enough toilet paper that it looks like it does not need to be replaced yet, and not enough to actually get usage out of.
Two words: Wet Willy
Tell them to get dressed up because you are going out on a nice date, then take them to the McDonald’s drive through. Order a water, then go to a nice restaurant.
Repeat the same stories over and over.
Insist that all communication must be electronic (text, tweet, facebook, email, etc).
Rent a movie from the Red Box and insist that it’s a date.
Make a big deal about paying for something, while insisting that it’s not a big deal. The lesser the cost, the more annoying.
Never, I repeat, Never refill the Britta pitcher.
Repeat everything they say, just to make sure you heard and understood.
Pretend to be deaf.
Pretend to be dead in the morning (note this only works if you normally wake up around the same time).
Continually reference the same blogs that she reads as if she does not read them.
Unplug your cable and watch the snow on your TV with the volume on, insist you are trying to decode the secret messages the government is trying to send you.
Drive with your windshield wipers on at all times insisting your are keeping them in tune.
Every time you get in the car, insist you have no idea where you are going-especially places you frequently go to.
Introduce your spouse every time you see someone you know.
Explain how to do the most elementary of tasks.
Don’t do any chores-ever.
Use your most sarcastic voice all the time.
Befriend annoying people, insist on spending lots of time with them.
Insist that William Hung has real talent.
Blame everything on the dog, take the blame for things the dog does (ie digging in the garbage, pooping on the carpets).
Don’t shave, but insist that you did.
When discussing meal plans always ask, “would you like fries with that?”