Sometimes, I scour the internet looking for something funny to read or watch. I can’t remember how I found Tyler Tarver’s Blog but 9 out of 10 times, I literally laugh out loud. Be sure to swing by and check out his blog, especially the page marked “Before I’m Burger” and “Taste Test” (it’s not what it sounds like).
Tyler had a new book out called “Words & Sentences” which I can’t to get my hand on. Without any further ado here is man of the hour:
Not only am I honored to be on Brad’s wonder winter wonderland (www.), but I’m also honored. I hope I don’t let you down like an escalator.
I know most of Brad’s posts are inspirational and moving, so I thought I would stay true to that and cover one of the most important topics one can beheld. (Behold? Behind? Behemoth?): My Zombie Apocalypse Team.
Last night, way ahead of when I should’ve gotten this to Mr. Shim, I was trying to think of what to break down and enlighten everyone with, when this little Zombie Apocalypse Team popped up like a burning bush for irrelevance.
Here’s my team.
Sidekick: Jesse Eisenberg – Not only does he have the experience, but his state of constant panic will help everyone else stay chill. The rule is: You don’t have to freak out if someone is already doing that.
Heavy Weapons: Bruce Willis – I’ve never seen a movie where he didn’t shoot 3 people before the end of the trailers. His voice/bald combo alone serves enough intimidation to make a foaming dog start a strict diet of warm milk.
The Idiotic one who Survives: Ashton Kutcher – Some people thinks his hair/face/height keeps him employed. Nay little horsey. His scream is what gets him a movie. Seriously, try to think of a movie where he didn’t raise his voice and shake his head. He’s like a Shaggy from Scooby Doo, but instead of a dog he’s got an old woman and a new role on a crappy show.
The Brains: Jeff Goldblum – He acts and talks the way I would assume a Master’s Degree would talk. That, and at this point he has to own at least 3 velociraptors.
The First to Die: Hayden Christensen – Only cause any movie he makes it more than 5 minutes goes down the tube faster than Mario on Level 8.
That’s my team, what’s yours?
Tyler Tarver is a high school math teacher but also enjoys throwing rocks. You can check out his website tylertarver.com, subscribe to it here, check him on Twitter @tylertarver, or just buy his brand new toilet book which he won’t shutup about titled Words&Sentences that 4 people have said is “funnier than sliced bread.” He’s not as attractive as you, but he sure does love you.
Tediously created from my eye phone